Bipolar – A disease I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy
As I write this I am not sure I will publish it because once people know you have bipolar they generally run a mile, and very fast. It is the minority that actually try help and understand.
For me I was first diagnosed probably 20 years ago. It took me a lot of counselling plus medications to stabalise my head. Over the years my issues have driven many friends away but those that stuck have become life long friends.
My clients never see the downside. They only ever see me riding a high, giving my all. In my advertising days I was always head hunted. Only ever applied for one job. My very first job at just 15 years of age. In tourism as a tour guide, clients see me as an extremely positive guide full of energy, full of drive, and full of information. From my 8 years or so in tourism I have a worldwide network of friends from all different nationalities. They just never see the crash that may come after they have left.
I believe I have learnt to conquer the bipolar and have done it very well. Its years since I have suffered the suicidal thoughts. The highs I love. Its like I am on fire and I can do anything, and generally I can.
I now a days understand why I was head hunted for jobs. I was good, very good in fact at what I do. It is those highs the bipolar person loves.
I have known people to knock off their medications because they had big projects on and needed the high that the average person never experiences. On a high we are brilliant. Unfortunately after the high often comes a crash.
This week Xiaoli, my boss, my wife has upset me and I cant seem to shake it. A trivial issue which a bipolar sufferer can blow out of proportion. This week not helped by the fact Xiaoli is still in China completing business meetings we both set up. She is my shoulder I lean on. Very heavily at times.
Does she understand the disease. Probably not. Just knows I am the person she absolutely loves that has these weird times where negativity sets in. And no one except myself can get me out again. And she knows she is the only person that I will let my defences down with which in turn enables me to conquer the bipolar demons.
I have been off medications for a number of years now initially against doctors advice but my doctor agrees, I own the disease now, it no longer owns me. What got me to this point. A lot of counselling that delved deeply into my past. Helped me understand why I was always head hunted for jobs. Helped me understand I am bordering on brilliant and not a failure in life. And lastly those friends that stuck with me through black and blue. Never judged me
I understand now I am really good at whatever I do. I never understood that before. Just only ever chose to hear the negative comments. And that reason goes right back to childhood.
My doctor holds me up as an example of the way a bipolar sufferer can conquer the disease which will really never go away. Not sure I like being put on that pedastool.
For a sufferer to conquer bipolar or even depression, they must first admit they have a problem and need help. Until they do that they will never get on the road to recovery. And don’t be afraid to hold your hand up and say I am a sufferer. If friends or family run a mile, and some will, then those are the ones you do not need around you on your road back to good health.